


Sunrise, Sunset

by seemeeimbeebee



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emma ruminating on her impeding death, Gen, spoilers through 6x02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 08:28:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8198071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seemeeimbeebee/pseuds/seemeeimbeebee
Summary: There are so many things she wants her little brother to know before she dies.





	

Emma lifts her brother into her arms and carries him over to his rocking chair. He gurgles and coos for a moment, blinking up at her.

“Hey, baby bro,” she whispers softly, looking down adoringly. She nuzzles her nose against his and smiles when he giggles. “You know I love you, right? I gotta tell you now because…because…” Her throat closes and she cradles the baby a little bit closer.

She’s not ready to say the words. Even though he’ll never remember the words, she’s not ready to admit it to someone she loves. “There’s some things I want to tell you before I go. Things I want you to remember when you get upset or scared or sad. Okay?”

She knows he’s a baby and he won’t remember. She knows it is ultimately futile to tell him all that she’s about to say.

She knows.

But it makes her feel better.

“They’re not always the best parents,” she tells him instead. “But they try so hard. They won’t always get it. But they mean well. Remember that. And forgive them.” She swallows another lump. “I didn’t always do that. And I want you to remember as best you can from your big sister that they care and they mean well. I’ll do what I can to remind you, but you’ve got to cut them some slack.”

She smiles as the boy becomes more alert at the mention of their parents and kisses his forehead.

“And I’d tell you to keep your nephew out of trouble, but I imagine he’ll be keeping you out of trouble. I hope he tells you the best stories. I hope he fills your mind with hope and wonder because he did that for me,” Emma tells her brother, the tears chasing themselves down her cheeks. “And I hope that he smiles and laughs and continues to write. I don’t want him to grieve me forever. I want him to have a good life. Become a good man. That’s all I ever wanted for my kid.” She takes in a big, shuddering breath, not holding the tears back this time.

The thought of leaving her son behind feels just as painful as being left behind after Killian died by the lake.

The thought of dying, really and truly dying, makes her feel like she’s already halfway there and will never get enough air ever again.

She’s suffocating in every pass on the hour hand. Drowning in the tap of the minute hand. Throat tightening with the tick of every second. It stays in her bones like lead, the knowledge that she’s going to die soon.

She wants to tell someone who can help her, someone who will hold her and tell her it’s okay, even though it’s not.

But she’s not ready. There are people who she has to take care of first.

“Don’t live in my shadow,” Emma tells him through her tears. “Don’t feel like you have to live up to me. They might make you feel that way sometimes, but I don’t want that for you. You’re Neal. You don’t ever, ever have to be Emma.”

She rubs her eyes frantically, trying to calm herself down. Her parents will be here any minute and they can’t see her like this. “In the end, I was just the Savior. Emma was never that special, but the Savior was. And I need you to be /just/ Neal, okay? They’ll love you just as you are, and you can be anything you set your mind to. And I will always love you. And I wish I got to see you grow too. I’m sorry I won’t be there for you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Emma sniffles, kissing his forehead.

He falls asleep against her chest, tiny hand curled around her finger. He’s so small and fragile and breakable like this.

So is she.

“I’m not going to ask you to look after them when I’m gone,” she finally says, making this the second time she’s admitted out loud that she’s going to die. “It wouldn’t be fair to you if I did that. But just remember that they love you just as you are. And so do I.”

He wouldn’t remember.

But it would have to do.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment, review, let me know you enjoyed it in some way! Or come talk to me on Tumblr! I'm demisexualemmaswan.tumblr.com


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